Him
by corny sloth
Summary: It's him. It's always him. JamesLily. Threeshot.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter, names, characters and indicia are solely JK Rowling's. I do not take credit for any thing you recognize in this story.

-&-

**Him  
**  
-&-

Her breath speeds up and her back archs against him, and a low guttural moan escapes her throat, her fingers clawing at his back.

"Oh my god," she breathes, as he rolls on his back beside her. "Is it just me, or this keeps getting better?"

He lets out a chuckle, deep and guttural and looks at her with dark amused eyes. She stretches out her arms and legs, wrapping the sheet around her small form.

"I'm tired," she yawns. He nods and slips out of her bed, searching for his clothes on the floor, before kissing her lightly on the forehead and leaving the room.

She keeps staring at the door and sighs, her euphoric smile slowing sliding off her face.

He never says a word.

-&-

She watches him as he eats his breakfast with his friends the next day, like last night, or the night before that, or the one before that, never happened.

It shouldn't have, anyway.

His gaze catches hers and she immediately looks away, feeling his eyes burn a hole in her head.

Later, he leaves the Great Hall with Emeline Vance, chattering away animatedly, and he briefly glances her way as he passes by her seat.

Her stomach churns unpleasantly and she's frustrated with herself because she's not supposed to be feeling this way.

So they're sleeping together every now and then. It doesn't mean he's her property.

But she can't help it. She feels possessive and angry and selfish.

A downright hypocrite.

-&-

"Are you going out with her?" She asks him bluntly, later that same day while he's sitting in one of the corners of the Common Room finishing up his homework.

He looks up and frowns at her.

"Emmeline Vance. Are you going out with her? Because if you are, we should really end this," She continues, and he shakes his head.

She feels a huge weight being lifted off her shoulders and she archs an eyebrow at him. "Well, good. Because I didn't really want this to end."

He still doesn't say a word, just watches her curiously.

"Do you want to go up to my room?" She asks tentatively and he glances at his homework hesitantly.

"Later," He finally says and she nods slowly before walking away from him and joining Alice in front of the fire.

Later, he doesn't show up.

-&-

"Why didn't you show up last night?" She can't help the hurt in her tone when she questions him the next day at breakfast. "I waited until two o'clock for you."

He shrugs, not taking his eyes off the Daily Prophet. "Studying ran late."

Her heart is beating a thousand times faster and her mouth is parched and her hands clench into a fist. She doesn't know what to say. She shouldn't be feeling like this. It's just sex. Purely physical sex. Nothing more, nothing less.

Then why is she feeling these shards of ice piercing her heart?

"Why are you treating me like this?" She hisses, and he finally looks at her with a look so apathetic, she's a second away from slapping him across the face.

"Treating you how, Evans? I'm just telling you studying ran late, and my studies are far more important than sex, you know?"

She feels like she's just been slapped. He called her Evans. He hasn't called her by her last name since they started sleeping together.

"Right," She whispers, fighting completely unnecessary tears from slipping down her cheeks.

She picks up her satchel and leaves the table.

-&-

At night, he comes up to her while she's reading a book in the Commons and asks if she'd like to join him in his room.

She wants more than anything to say no and hurt him the way he has hurt her, but she can't help it. The look he gives her, dark and intense, pierces a hole in her head and she feels her heart skip beats.

"Okay," She whispers and follows him up to his dorm.

The room is dark and messy and she has barely stepped inside when he grabs her arm and kisses her forcefully. His lips are pliant under hers and they immediately fall into a rhythm they have perfected together, his tongue curling against hers, his teeth lightly scratching her mouth.

It's all she's known for over three months now. His lips, his smell, his breath, his touch. The way his hands coyly descend down her chest, across her back, over her bum. Her breathing speeds up and she can't help the way her body reacts to his, when his lips run over the sensitive skin of her neck, up her ear and down her collarbone.

His body is warm and suffocating against hers as they lie down, and she's barely aware of the cool sheets agaisnt her skin, only his lips everywhere, on her face, her chest, her thighs, and it all tumbles out of control, and they're turning around in his bed and she's moaning softly in his ear, kissing every bit of him.

He's sorry. He whispers it against her skin and she doesn't really hear it amidst her groans and sighs, and she doesn't care at the moment.

It's just James. James, James, James.

-&-

It's quiet and dark and she feels like she's suffocating, having his head lying on her chest, his soft breaths tickling her skin. There's a feeling in her chest, and she knows it's not the quiet and the dark that's causing her to suffocate.

It's him.

It's always him.

She feels a sob rising in her throat and she closes her eyes tightly, lips quivering and chest trembling. He feels her tension and pulls away, looking at her with those same familiar dark eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asks quietly and she just shakes her head. "I know you, Lily. What's wrong?"

She shakes her head again, holding back a sob. "You smell amazing," She whispers. "Have I told you that before? I love your smell," She chuckles tritely , the tears burning at her eyes.

He sighs deeply, and runs a hand across his face. "You're falling for me."

It's not a question.

"Merlin, Evans," He breathes, looking away from her and running a hand through his hair. She hasn't realized how much she has missed that habit of his. "Not now… Why now?"

He's talking to himself. He doesn't want her anymore. The tears finally slide down her face, and she takes in a shaky sob.

"What's so wrong with now?" She whispers, shrugging nonchalantly, a maniacal chuckle escaping her throat.

"It was just sex, Lily. Nothing more."

She feels her heart stop beating for a second. Her hands shake.

She runs.

-&-

**-fin-  
**  
-&-

**A/N:** so I've recently found out that I absolutely despise happy endings. I might write a sequel to this, if you want one. Leave me your comments please, and add this story to your alerts in case I write a follow up.

Anyway, this story has been sitting on my laptop for a LONG time, and I finally decided to finish it. I hope you like it. I really enjoyed writing it (:


	2. Prequel

**A/N: **So one of the reviewers suggested I'd do a sequel _and _a prequel, so you'd guys would know how this thing between Lily and James started. I really liked that idea. And me, being the tease that I am, I give you: **The Prequel**! You'll have to wait a little more for the sequel, because my state of depression has suddenly lifted, and I seem to only write good stories when I'm depressed. Hence the terribleness of the following prequel. I apologize deeply.

(Now, I do realize Lily isn't as promiscuous as I make her out to be, but bear with me. We're talking about a 17 year old hormone driving teenage girl, in the 70's. Weren't those the 'swinging' days?)

-&-

"I need sex."

"That's quite the declaration," Alice chuckles, giving her best friend a strange look.

"Oh honestly, Alice," Lily sighs, slumping down on one of the couches in the corner of the Common Room. "It's been over five months. I'm dying here!"

"Then go find someone and stop complaining about it!" Alice replies, opening up her study books.

Lily looks around the Common Room, searching for her next pray. In front of the fire, the Marauders are lounging around, books splayed out in front of them, chattering around animatedly.

Sirius is the first one she notices, his slightly long hair elegantly covering his eyes.

He catches her eye from across the room and she holds his gaze. He raises a curious eyebrow at her.

She smiles seductively.

This can be dangerous.

-&-

"Hello, Evans."

She almost jumps a foot in the air when Sirius Black slides in the seat next to her, a haughty smirk playing on his lips.

"Black," She answers curtly. "Can I help you with something?"

"Actually, you can." He stops, his head between his hands, staring avidly at her. She pushes her plate away from her and holds his gaze just as intensely.

A few seats away, Potter is glaring a hole in Sirius' head.

"Your friend, Alice, told me quite an interesting thing last night, something about you looking for a shag buddy?"

She has to remember to kill Alice later.

She rolls her eyes. "And what's it to you, Black?"

He smirks. "Well, I think I might have just the guy for you."

"I assume you mean yourself?" She scoffs, taking a bite from her treacle pie.

"Well actually, I meant Prongs," He raises his eyebrows at her, and she almost chokes on her food.

"Prongs? You mean Potter?" She sneers. "That'll be a cold day in hell."

"I'm sure you'll find ways to keep warm," He retorts, winking raunchily at her.

She glares at him. "There's no way I'm sleeping with James Potter. He loves me, remember? What I'm looking for is purely physical."

"Don't flatter yourself, Evans. Who says he still loves you? He hasn't asked you out in over a year. Remember that?"

She does, as much as she hates to admit it.

"Think about it, alright? You won't regret it," He raises his eyebrows suggestively at her before sliding out of his seat and joining his Marauder friends.

James catches her eye and she feels her stomach drop a little.

This can be even more dangerous.

-&-

"Evening."

She looks up from her homework into the warm eyes of James Potter and there seems to be a thickness in the air around them, so thick it was almost tangible.

"Hello," She replies, slowly and steadily, putting her books away.

He gives her a tentative smile and takes the seat opposite her. "So I hear Sirius has been talking to you-"

"-Yeah he did-"

"-and I just wanted to tell you-"

"-it's quite alright, I didn't mind-"

"-it wasn't my idea, I swear-"

"-I actually liked the idea-"

"-and I hope he didn't offend – uh, what?"

She smiles shyly and tucks her hair behind her ears. "Well, I've been thinking about it, and well, I must be incredibly desperate for doing this…"

He frowns and gives her an offended look. "Um, thanks?"

She shakes her head and chuckles lightly. "No, I didn't mean it like that, I just … well, I don't know… I just, I think we have chemistry, don't you think? I mean, we could be good together."

He gives her a lopsided grin. "You think so?"

She shrugs and nods. "Well we'll never know if we don't try, right?"

His smile is so boyish and contagious she feels her stomach tightening uncomfortably.

This just got incredibly dangerous.

-&-

"Are you ready?"

She takes a deep breath and nods, following him up the stairs to his dorm.

"Where are your friends?" She asks and he says they've sneaked down to Hogsmeade. She's taken aback and questions him about it but he just waves her away, holding the door of his room open for her.

"After you," He smiles, and she feels trepidation building in her chest, and her palms are sweaty.

The room is exactly like hers and the familiarity of it eases her nerves.

"Are you worried?" He asks and she bites her lip and nods slightly. He smiles. "Don't be. I promise I won't bite. Unless you're into that shit, of course," He adds quickly and she laughs.

His casualness surprises her and she wonders briefly if he'd done this before, and if so, how many times.

"Make yourself comfortable," He gives her a smile before taking his shirt off and throwing it across the room.

She almost chokes on her own saliva.

Quidditch has done wonders to his body, and she can't help but stare at his toned chest.

"You've got a little bit of drool there," He quips, pointing at the corner of his own mouth and giving her a devilish smile. She throws a pillow at him and laughs, sticking out her tongue at him.

"We'll see who'll be drooling soon," She retorts, slowly and teasingly unbuttoning her shirt, from the bottom to the top, slowly revealing milky white and lightly freckled skin.

His grin is slowly sliding off his face, only traces of a smile left as she throws back her shirt and stands there in her black lacy bra. The contrast between the fairness of her skin and the black of her undergarment is amazing and her eyes are so bright and green and he can't look away from her face.

"You look…beautiful," He breathes and she smiles softly, the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end.

He approaches her slowly, letting his eyes roam freely and unashamedly across her chest. His fingers thread through her hair, lightly dancing across her neck and down her shoulders and she feels goosebumps on her arms.

She bites her lip and waits for his next move.

It doesn't seem so dangerous anymore.

-&-

"Still nervous?"

His lips dance on her neck and down her back, across her shoulder blades, his fingers lightly brushing her breasts. The only sound that comes out of her mouth was a breathy moan, and she closes her eyes, relishing the feel of him behind her, completely flush against her body, his hands roaming everywhere.

"You know this is just sex, right? Nothing more." Her voice quivers and she feels his smirk against her skin and she bites her lip to hold back her groan as he slides inside of her, his tongue licking her ear.

She can't seem to get herself to speak. Every thrust seems to hit just the right spot and she has never had a partner who knew her body so well.

His movements start to speed up and she feels it building up inside of her, the ultimate release, and he somehow feels it too, and he knows just how to keep her going.

No.

Not dangerous at all.

-&-

**-Fin-**

-&-

**A/N:** Reviews are always lovely. Just don't cuss me too much for being so evil.

Oh and the line:  
_"That'll be a cold day in hell."_

"I'm sure you'll find ways to keep warm."

is based on a line from the fic 'the day chivalry curled up and died'. So all rights to that phrase go to the writer of that story, UnbirthdayGirl (you should really read the story, it's hilarious). I'm terrible, I know but I couldn't help it, I just fell in love with it. __


	3. Sequel

**A/N:** Finally, I give you, **The Sequel**! Enjoy :)

-&-

She's shaking.

Her entire body is trembling, and she's sweating and there's this incredible pain in her chest, and she feels like she's going to be sick any second now.

She takes a deep breath and tries to calm her nerves, but it somehow makes her feel even worse, every breath she takes like ice in her throat.

She's an idiot.

A stupid, selfish, hypocritical idiot.

There is no other word for it.

"It was just sex, Lily. Nothing more."

Her own words being thrown back at her.

She can't breathe, and the lump is back in her throat and she shudders, wrapping her arms around herself and rocking back and forth.

A pathetic sob escapes her mouth.

The tears finally come.

-&-

He doesn't show up for breakfast the next day, and she's grateful for it. She doesn't think she can face the music this soon.

His friends are sitting a few seats down, and Sirius keeps glancing down at her, with a sort of apologetic look in his eyes.

She thinks he should be apologizing, seeing as this whole idea was his idea in the first place.

She gulps down her pumpkin juice, feeling her dry throat burn and the liquid icy in her chest.

She was pathetic.

She can't believe she let herself get so involved with him.

Alice is sitting across from her, respecting her silence, only glancing worriedly at her from time to time, and mutely coaxing her into eating her toast by pushing her plate towards her.

She's not hungry. Her stomach is heavy and she feels nauseous.

She excuses herself and leaves the table.

-&-

She's the first one to arrive to Potions and the cold damp air in the dungeons feels good on her heated skin and flushed face.

She takes a seat in the middle of the room and presses her palms to her eyes, blue and yellow spots quickly blotting her vision.

She hears the door open, and steps halt in the doorway.

She doesn't have to look up to see who it is.

His presence is so thick in the room it's almost tangible.

Then the steps pick up again and slowly fade out.

She looks up to see his retreating back in the doorway.

She takes in a shaky sigh, tears burning her eyes again.

Students start to fill in soon enough, with the exception of _him_, and she finds herself without a partner. Slughorn tuts and tells her she can work by herself for today, and she's happy about that because she doesn't think she can stand anyone's company.

The door of the class suddenly opens again, a couple of minutes after the class started, and she feels her heart drop in her stomach.

Slughorn grins jubilantly and tells her she doesn't have to work by herself after all.

Potter would be glad to help.

-&-

It was horrible.

The most horrible two hours of her life.

The most awkward, uncomfortable, silent two hours of her life.

He had spoken four words to her:

_Sorry. Excuse me. Bye._

And not one other syllable.

He had accidently bumped into her hand while adding ingredients to the potion and their eyes had locked for half a millisecond, and it was the most horrific millisecond in her life, because her palms were sweaty and her hair was frizzy and she was a second away from bursting out in tears_.  
_  
When the bell rang announcing the end of the period, he was out of his seat faster than she could say 'sorry', with a quick 'bye' thrown at her back, and she had dawdled behind, waiting for everyone to fill out before slipping out of class and joining Alice in front of the Charms classroom.

She avoids her eyes throughout the entire period and she could practically feel annoyance and curiosity radiating from her.

She doesn't tell her a thing and she doesn't know why.

-&-

He's staring at her.

She's shaking and avoiding his gaze, trying desperately to focus on her homework, in vain.

Why is he staring at her?

He hasn't spoken a word to her since Potions, and that was two weeks ago.

So _why_ is he staring at her?

"He's staring at you, again," Alice helpfully points out and she huffs, pulling her bangs behind her ears and rubbing tiredly at her eyes.

"Thank you for the obvious observation," She sighs, staring at the empty parchment in her lap.

"Do you want me to tell him to stop?" Alice asks, humor placidly obvious in her voice.

She shakes her head.

"Tell him to drop dead."

-&-

She usually loves studying in the Library on Saturday.

Usually, it would be empty, because every normal student would be spending their afternoons lounging by the lake or the Commons.

It's not empty today.

He's following her, she's sure of it.

He's sitting right across the room from her, not even opening his book as a pretext.

She laughs inwardly, yet tries to maintain a calm apathetic demeanor on the outside, while she's screaming and shaking and crying on the inside.

She wishes she could say she hates him.

She tries to focus on the book in front of her and rereads the same line for the fourteenth time in two minutes, when a paper airplane suddenly lands on her table.

She spares a glance at him, and sees him writing something on a parchment in front of him.

Two words are written on the paper, and she feels her heart constrict painfully when she reads it, and her mouth is parched and her fingers are numb.

_I'm sorry._

She looks up to his table.

He was gone.

-&-

(**A/N****:** you have no idea how tempted I am to just end this story right here, but I'm pretty sure you guys will throw rotten tomatoes at me if I don't give you the ending you're craving.  
So I'm giving you a choice: if you're not satisfied with this ending, well, then keep on reading. If you are, stop reading here (which I'm sure you won't, either way). )

-&-

She takes a deep breath and stares intently at the wooden door in front of her, as if it might combust just by her staring at it.

Her heart is beating a thousand times faster and she has a hard time trying to keep breathing.

Her hand is on the knob but she can't seem to get herself to turn it.

She closes her eyes tightly, takes several harsh breaths and slips quietly inside the room.

It hasn't changed one bit since she's last been here, three weeks ago.

It seems like it's been a decade.

She automatically walks towards his bed, to find his form visible under the blankets.

He's sleeping, and it takes an immense amount of will power for her not to slip next to him and cuddle up against him.

"James, wake up," She whispers, shaking him slightly, and she's surprised by how quickly he does.

"Lily," He croaks, squinting his eyes at her. "What –what are you doing here?" He asks, putting on his glasses and sitting up straight.

She takes a shaky breath. "Sirius said you would be alone tonight," She states and he blinks groggily.

He licks his lips and stares and stares and stares and she can't look away from him.

"I'm sorry," He whispers, brushing his fingers against hers. She looks down at their hands and he slowly links them together, and she's hoping he doesn't feel how sweaty her palms are.

"I don't – I don't know why…" He mutters, pulling her against him and running a hand through her hair and brushing his nose against her, and she feels like her heart is going to explode. "I was such an idiot, I don't know why I did this to you, I can't-" He's panting and his lips are pressing against hers and he's speaking into her mouth, nonsense to her ears, and she's trembling and kissing him back, climbing into his lap and wrapping her arms around him. "I can't believe how stupid—" She keeps cutting him off and she doesn't care what he has to say anymore, she just wants to feel him, touch him, kiss him.

Her hands are on his face and his are in her hair and her breaths are coming out in small gasps against his skin, and his smell, oh my god, his smell, it's filling her nose and rendering her hopeless.

His fingers are dancing down her back, kneading her mound and pressing her against his erection, and the friction is sending chills down her spine, and Merlin does she need him.

"I've missed you," He whispers in her ear, before nipping at it and she shudders, moaning deep in her throat, her hands tugging at his shirt, pressing him closer to her, and she feels like he's still too far away.

It somehow feels like the end, when he rids her of her undergarments and his body is suddenly so close and heavy and suffocating, and she feels like she's drowning in fire.

"I've missed you," He whispers again, this time against her lips, the slow torturous movements of his hips against hers causing her to gasp in response. "So much…"

She feels a sob in her throat and when he kisses her again, deeply and languidly, she feels the world closing up on her and that same suffocating feeling takes hold of her, and she thinks, it will always be him.

-&-

-fin-

-&-

**A/N:** I really, really preferred the 1st ending, but well, I guess it's all about pleasing the public. I hope you guys liked this chapter better than the one before it, because I surely did. Let me know your thoughts, please.

Also, I was thinking of writing this story from James' point of view, just so you guys would know exactly what was going through his head. So leave me your opinions on that as well :)


End file.
